Friday, September 2, 2011

Another 1-year-ago Memory

Remember one year ago today? I sure do. In fact I have such a vivid memory of it that my stomach gets tight when I remember sitting in that waiting room outside the cardiac cath lab.

There are a few silly things that stand out in my memory, like playing with the music on my new I-Pod Touch that Patrick had just given me for my birthday. We had been anticipating a one-night stay in recovery, and he wanted me to have something to do. We were there for 8 days...

Perhaps the most profound memory of that morning was during the 20-minute wait of eternity, when we knew they were performing CPR, that our precious baby boy's heart had stopped and they were shocking it to start again. No one else was in the waiting room with us for a few minutes (we had an almost steady stream of Joey fans to come offer comfort and support) and Patrick and I were holding hands and trying to pray. Patrick said to me "you know he's alright." Actually I'm not confident right now. I don't know if I'll bring our baby home. "He's been baptized and confirmed. He's fine. It's us we're worried about. Not matter what happens, Joey is fine." Whoa. Now that's what it means to keep our eyes fixed on a God who loves us, in total surrender. Not that it was easy, not that I suddenly felt fine after that, but in one short moment my strong husband, just as scared as I was, kept our heads pointed in the right direction.

Well, here we are a year later. Out and about with the kiddos, playing and wrestling an ever-increasingly active and determined little boy. He looks perfect, with his bright smile, and charming demeanor. And yet as we reminisced about last year I began to wonder if I will ever really look at Joey the same. I say probably not, but that's okay with me. None of us are the same after last year, and we can thank our ROCKY for making us better!